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the girl next door  aishani. keisha. nat. “When I’m good, I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.” — Mae West. underline italic bold |
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gone with the wind September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 November 2010 |
crossroads
Monday, May 31, 2010
It's 12:06 and I have RMUN tomorrow, but somehow I just can't stop thinking about the way things used to be, and the poem called 'Crossroads', from so long ago. I guess like, things change and people change and the only thing we can do is try to move on (?). But then again, I'm probably being a pansy about the whole thing, emotional and girly and weak.Sometimes it really does boil down to 'What drives you?', the question I wrote about so long ago for reflections, and it still sticks with me now. I don't know what drives me anymore, but more than anything, I really want to find something, anything to replace this feeling of being bereft.
I want to feel infinite all over again, I want to turn back.
carrie underwood
'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sandWhat you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small
this side of paradise
REVAMPPPPP. hahah something prettier to look at! we need to start posting something more than random quotes and emo songs, guys!
really miss you alot aish, the overhead bridge walks seem like such a long long time ago.
perks of being a wallflower
"Mia Carruthers and The Retros - Chasing After Something."
The fairytale
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Maybe you've found a bed of roses to fall alsleep on,
where the thorns are all hidden.
You've found a fairytale to sing in.
One I could never read.
Because I saw Hope outside the window,
wondering when things ever got so bad.
I saw Faith marvelling at the degree of change,
frowning at the white rose that lost its colour.
I saw Acceptance screaming at strangers,
asking why she's lost, not knowing who she is.
I saw Assurance knocking on the door,
but nobody heard. Nobody was at home.
I saw Beauty crying at the corner of the street,
sitting by the stranger called Bravery.
But they got up, and held hands
and kissed under the moonlight.
Then remembered the reasons for their tears again.
I saw Fear laughing at the pathetic faces,
of those who met him for the first time.
I saw Liberty with a broken crown,
and evidently, a broken smile too.
And in the sea of people, I asked everyone
"Where did Love go?"
They all said they never knew what Love looked like.
But when they finally recognised her,
she was gone.
So now I think she's fallen asleep
on a bed of roses without thorns,
In a fairytale, with a song to sing,
One they'd all never been able to read.
~
Saturday, May 29, 2010
turn the stumbling block into a stepping stone.
O.B.S
Friday, May 28, 2010
It takes a minute to meet someone new,
an hour to like them so
a day to love their presence
and a lifetime to forget those memories
We weathered
- 8 non-stop hours of cross-island kayaking
- 10 burnt, uncooked meals of dry rations
- 3 hot, humid mosquito-infested nights in tents
- 48 hours without a decent shower
- An hours track through the forest with 15 kg backpacks
- 3 insanely scary high element courses
- 4 days of countless packing and unpacking
- irritable moods from sunburn and insect bites
- Generally unhygienic and uncomfortable conditions
We learnt
- that team should always come before self
- challenges must be embraced
- never to allow yourself to give up
- constantly adapt and to change
- trust the people around you
- to see nature that bit clearer
- that there is an inexhaustible list of things you can learn from new experiences
but most of all
HA I SURVIVED OBS TAKE THAT NAT AND BERT!!!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
"Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lineshe wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.
Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen."
I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't.
Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Aishani please join next year:)!
-K.
falling sick
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Depersonalization disorder (DPD) is a dissociative disorder in which the sufferer is affected by persistent or recurrent feelings of depersonalization and/or derealization. The symptoms include a sense of automation, going through the motions of life but not experiencing it, feeling as though one is in a movie, feeling as though one is in a dream, feeling a disconnection from one's body; out-of-body experience, a detachment from one's body, environment and difficulty relating oneself to reality.
where would we be now, if we found each other first?
"And despite all this, you're still the same person."
Monday, May 17, 2010
The things that we love blind us.The things that we lose blind us.
And in a span of about 6 months, everything's changed.
I probably feel this way because I'm blinded.
But I'm probably human as well.
Right now,
I can still remember every bit of what I had.
I can still hear the laughter echoing through the classrooms.
I can still list down how many things I hate here at this new place.
I can still taste the tears we shed at 8.36pm on 12th September'09.
I can still read the conversations I saved because they made me smile once or twice.
And after everything, I give up.
I surrender. ~
I can't have everything I'm missing.
All I want right here, right now,
is to be a good person.
; And keep it that way for as long as I can.
“I can’t always be waiting, waiting on you
I can’t always be playing, playing your fool”
Sunday, May 16, 2010
sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing. i read that on a teabag.
Dedicated post to juniors
Saturday, May 15, 2010
The pictures are just to satisfy all of your likings for all things to do with ducks. BUT anyway, i want to congratulate all of you for the amount of effort you put in, for your willingness to listen to suggestions and work on it, and for your exuberance and tenacity. Your journey will continue in time to come, and i hope that you will face your challenges with the same attitude and strength that defines what debate is all about. I have utmost confidence and faith in every single one of you, so all in all what i do have to say is- Game On.-keisha
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Let the blind lead those who see but cannot feel.
SMILE!
OHEMGEE CUTE RIIIIGHT. :D
hahah. I realised, I just wanted to say,
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
-aish. ((:
had I known how to save a life
Saturday, May 8, 2010
"Lay down a list of what is wrong.The things you told him all along.
And pray to God he hears you,
And pray to God he hears you...."
haha, the Fray lyrics are stuck in my head.
hell, you know what, 12th may is coming up. And I haven't the slightest idea of what to do about it.
I think I'm going to go back to chem, and force myself to understand it.
-aishani.
The Scientist, Coldplay
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh let's go back to
the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody
said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back
to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the
puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Don't speak as
loud as my heart.
Tell me you love me, and come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
coming back
as we are.
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start.
for aish. just so you know, i meant everything i wrote in that pink scrapbook you have, but i'm not too sure anymore
- n
how far we've come
Friday, May 7, 2010
RIGHT I NEED TO START STUDYING FOR BIO NOW. sigh i want to go shopping. now all i need is time and money.
aish, i hope by the time you read this i hope you're alright. because we're all "entirely made up of flaws, sitched together with good intentions."
and we should have dinner soon. (:
- nat
p.s
because i love you)last night
clothed in sealace
appeared to me
your mind drifting
with chuckling rubbish
of pear weed coral and stones;
lifted, and (before my
eyes sinking)inward, fled;softly
your face smile gargled
by death; drowned only
again carefully through deepness to rise
these your wrists
thighs feet hands
posing
to again utterly disappear;
rushing gently swiftly creeping
through my dreams last
night; all of your
body with its spirit floated
(clothed only in
the tide's acute weaving murmur
- ee cummings.
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source, it dies of errors and blindness and betrayals, it dies of illnesses and wounds, it dies of witherings; of tarnishings.
Just waiting for something to happen.
RAWRR!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
hello. (:I now feel like a car. Call it random, but its very true.
I'm all out of petrol, and there are no stations nearby.
I've been driving on a road I don't even recognise, and I wish I hadn't taken this one.
Someone's driving me, I can't even control myself.
I'm old and worn out, and feel like I even have a license plate number.
And guess what?
I even break down in the middle of random streets. It keeps happening and I don't even know why.
I don't even know what this has become.
Just tell me it isn't true. Tell me the good will last and the bad will fade.
And most importantly, tell me I haven't changed.
Because having lost myself somewhere along this lonesome road, the truth is the last thing I want to hear. Or at least what I think is the truth.
on a side note, I've got a gig tomorrow at lunch! :D the bad thing is, we havent practised like, AT ALL. Well, apart from the fooling around in the studio that is.
So I have no idea how we're gonna do it, but we'll do it.
sigh. Wish LIFE was that easy.
love,
aishani. <3
gossip girl
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
You can't make people love you. But you can make them fear you.
Sometimes you can't choose what you love.
Monday, May 3, 2010
i keep on telling myself, i need to get out of here. i look around me and i constantly question if i can honestly work with, much less work for, the people here. and it scares me, i want to leave to somewhere where maybe i can start anew.but then, thinking about it today, maybe that's the lesson i need to learn 'here' before i get to move to 'there'. i want it so so so much. walk walk walk run run run.
I just want to run. Metaphorically. And I'm so scared that after all this while, I've just been running on the spot.
Barney is a dinosaur!
WARNING: nonsensical post ahead.sigh. Dyou know what I want? Sometimes, even I'm not too sure.
But you know what? I know that I want it. And I want it badly. so so badly.
And the thing is, you won't give it to me that easily. But I can't get it if you dont allow me to.
So in other words, unless you snap out of that world, and step into mine, you won't know that I want it badly, and you're in my way.
All those words, all the endless aishani don't worry. They won't mean much anymore.
Because right now, I'm counting on you.
Where are you?
how?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Have you ever wondered if your actions were anything more than a random pairing of misguided movements, if your thoughts were merely an over analysis over things that didnt require speculation, that feelings were just a cyclical kaleidoscope that were too sensitive to surroundings. Really. How do we know that meaning exists?- Adalee
meaning: "noble, of the noble kind"
I shall end of every post with a new british name that intrigues me:)
nat
Saturday, May 1, 2010
hellooo we need to put to rest all our anon posting hahah it's getting very cryptic. (oh look no puncuation)everything is okay.
aishani, the truth is, everyone's going to hurt you. you just got to find the one's worth suffering for. so there's a joy in being fearless. and most of all, thank You, it's all for You now.
Pinky swear?
Dear you,I just wanted to tell you that's its going to be okay. And you probably don't know that this is about you, and you probably won't see this till one fine day when you suddenly remember me out of the blue, but that doesn't matter.
Sometimes you don't need to know who loves you. You just need to know that you're loved, and that everything is going to be alright.
Sometimes that sentence isn't strong enough, because you want proof that it's going to be alright. Go look in the mirror. Who you are, what you want to be, is yourself, and that's proof enough for me that one fine day you'll be up there delivering the most awesome speech ever, and I will stand up for you and clap with pride.
Because that's what friends do. And that's just how much I believe in you.
Love,
aishani.
or whatever or whoever you think I am.